Tribulation
by WonderPickle
Summary: "You were the love of her life. And you were too busy wallowing in guilt to even come to her funeral." One-shot, contains major Gwevin. Warning: major character death.


**I was looking at tumblr prompts and stumbled across one that was, "Where were you?", and of course, this angst fest came to mind. I've been working on this one for a while, and of course the first Ben 10 story I publish after a long absence is this. not all too sorry about that, though.**

 **enjoy! :)**

* * *

The darkly dressed people had cleared. Save for the Omnitrix-wielding changeling, the area around the grave remained empty.

But someone else approached. And instantly Ben knew who it was.

A twinge of resentment clenched his heart. He whirled around before he could stop himself, the question that'd been burning on his tongue since it formed hours ago finally bubbling out.

"Why weren't you there, Kevin?"

The Osmosian stepped towards him, dead fall leaves crunching beneath his feet. Instead of responding, he stood next to his teammate silently, staring at the coffin in the freshly dug hole. The crisp wind chill inhabited the void they typically filled with witty conversation. There was nothing of the sort today.

Would there ever be again?

"Why weren't you there?" Ben repeated after a pause.

Eyes still focused downwards, the older boy took his time before replying. "I couldn't face your family after what I did."

The fusion of bitterness and grief throbbed in his throat. "You can't keep blaming yourself, Kev. It wasn't your fault."

"It _was_ my fault, Ben. I-"

"You tried to save her before Charmcaster got her way. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I _did_. I-I messed up. And Gwen paid the price."

"You did everything you could, Kev." Ben's voice was rapidly losing its calm. How could Kevin be so wrapped up in his own guilt and not feel the same suffering everyone else did?

"And it still wasn't enough."

The shield of bereavement in his chest was dissipating, the simmering rage brewing atop melting it away.

"I was there, too. And I could've stopped Charmcaster...there just wasn't enough time. Neither of us could've done anything."

The Osmosian exhaled a breath through his previously clenched mouth. " _I_ should've been keeping her safe."

A flame flickered in Ben's chest. Kevin wouldn't listen. Was it remorse or grief controlling him? Or was his remorse numbing his grief, not allowing for the same intensity of it that the brunette felt? "You need to stop saying that."

His voice started wavering less, sturdy with indignation rather than unsteady with guilt. "Charmcaster killing Gwen...it was all my fault, Tennyson. _I_ was right there. She's _my_ girlfriend. _I_ should've protected her. _She didn't deserve to die_. It's...it's all my fault."

"Kevin," Ben's tone was one of warning, "you _need_ to stop saying that."

The older boy dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I couldn't save her. I should've been the one to die. Not Gwen."

His temper had already managed to take the reigns. A searing hot anger blurring his surroundings and abruptly raising his voice to a scream. "You know what, Kev?" The Osmosian raised his line of sight again. " _You were the love of her life_. And you were too busy _wallowing in guilt_ to even come to _her funeral_."

Kevin's face briefly froze on its current expression, surprised at the younger hero's outburst. But he proceeded to step towards the brunette, eyes narrowing to solely reveal reflections of his inner pain through the dark slits. This argument was quickly becoming heated. "Yeah? She was the love of my life, _too_ , Tennyson. That's why I can't face your family. It's my fault she died."

The changeling pursed his lips, a small breath escaping between them. " _Enough_ already, Kevin. It _wasn't_ your fault. You only keep saying that because you _miss_ her, and you need _something_ , _anything_ , of her to _cling_ on to! You just _can't_ admit that she's gone."

"Maybe I don't _want_ to admit she's gone."

"Then the _least_ you can do is _honor her memory_. But you can't even seem to do that."

"She was the _best_ thing that ever happened to me, Tennyson. I can't-"

"You can't _what_? Lose her? Well guess what, Kev? You _already_ did."

"I _didn't_ want to lose her!"

Ben strided forward almost close enough to press their noses together. "And you think I did?"

Kevin worked the muscles in his jaw, looking partly as though he were going to break down, and partly as though he was going to grant the center of Ben's face an encounter with his fist. "She meant more to _me_ than she did to _you_."

" _I_ knew her longer than _you_. We've been together since we were _kids_ , you jerk! She was my _cousin_ ," the Omnitrix-wielding boy replied, the anger shredding the layers of heated emotion like the blade of a freshly sharpened knife. He'd had his fair share of a indignation before. A rageful enmity that tended to arise when he was talking to adversaries, or the occasional annoyance evoked by arguments with Kevin. This time was different, though. This was a pure, blinding rage that'd clenched his heart so tightly his body was going numb. It'd grasped control over his mind, over every single thought roaming throughout. Ben felt like he was drowning, the thick amalgam of fury and grief solidifying its twisted roots in the pit of his stomach whilst they simultaneously managed to inundate him. He'd never known such a vicious swarm of emotions to overwhelm him like this, to sicken him to his very core. They managed to slither up his already hoarse throat and bend every word that escaped his mouth under their will, interweaving grunts of unmitigated anger into each single syllable.

Ben Tennyson had handled a lot of things. Come face to face with death on more occasions than he could count, battled dozens of merciless foes weekly, and saved the universe from utter destruction time and time again.

But losing his cousin had finally brought him to a breaking point, to a hopelessness and heartache he'd never been granted the pain of knowing.

Losing the person that always kept him in line, always so resilient and strong, always holding him grounded.

Suddenly the shoulder he so often leaned on wasn't there to catch him when he fell. And boy, had he fallen hard.

"I _loved her_ ," Kevin growled. His line of sight didn't falter from his friend's green orbs while he talked, his body seething, voice low and guttural.

He could only imagine what Kevin was going through. His connection with Gwen was much different than Ben's. It didn't consist of the same familial love that'd driven the changeling and the Anodite to such closeness, the one that constantly provided a trustworthy companion for them both. It instead was a secure foundation built up from the shattered pieces of the Osmosian's childhood. Something strong grown from something broken. A bond that didn't ebb under the dangerous fights in which they often participated, instead cemented and flourished.

Despite knowing that, though, Ben's mouth still felt acidic when he listened to what his friend had to say.

"You're not the _only_ person who _loved her_ , Kev."

"She changed _everything_ for me," he screamed. Tears bubbled over like raindrops collecting in a puddle, and for once he clearly didn't try to repress them. "You didn't _know_ her like I did."

"I know _everything_ that she did for you. And...and you didn't even _deserve_ it! You're just a selfish jerk! I don't know how she managed to _ever_ fall for you!"

"You don't think I _know_ that? She was _always_ too good for me!"

Ben slowly retreated a pace, inhaling, every escaped breath burning his lungs. He huffed, stiffly entwining his arms across his chest. "At least we can agree on one thing."

"It was _my_ job to protect her, and I _didn't_. So her dying...it's my fault," Kevin returned, his voice cracking towards the end of his proclamation.

"She didn't need you to protect her. She could protect _herself_ ," Ben told him. His tone softened slightly, the shell of anger splintering so the crestfallen vulnerability blossoming underneath could wiggle to the outside.

"But she always had my back. And I...I didn't do the same for her when she needed it most."

"How many times do I have to remind you that it was _Charmcaster_?"

"Charmcaster may have killed her, but I let her do it."

"You didn't _let_ her do anything. Quit feeling sorry for yourself."

"I'm not. I'm feeling guilty. For Gwen."

Ben's head pounded. He couldn't have this conversation anymore. Couldn't discuss his cousin as if she was an object to fight over. The changeling felt guilty, too. Of course he did, for not preventing the tragedy from ever happening in the first place. But it was too much pain, too much grief, too much hot anger wreathing in his throbbing heart, pushing his feet to walk away before what little of his composure he had left collapsed altogether. He needed to be with his relatives, not arguing with his best friend.

His voice was raw as it departed. "Forget it. You stay here and drown in self-pity. I'm going back to my family without you, jerk."

* * *

Ben strided across the green grass, attention honed in on the Osmosian and the grave that was so badly damaging the both of them. Walking forwards, he released a huge exhale, feeling a sickening tugging on the strings attached to his heart.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk," he remarked whilst taking a seat.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's hug it out and become best friends again," Kevin deadpanned. He sounded okay, but his eyes exposed the falsehood of the calm demeanor he was attempting to maintain, tone revealing his deeply rooted bereavement. Kevin wanted to appear somewhat stable. In truth, though, he was far from it.

Ben bit his lip. "Kev...you _are_ my best friend. That's why I'm-"

"No need to be worried about me, Tennyson."

"But I still am. I need to know that you're going to be okay."

"Doubtful."

"I _know_ you miss her. I-" the changeling's brain halted for a moment as he caught sight of what was in his teammate's hand, "-hold on a second. Are you _drinking_?"

Kevin took another swig of the liquid his friend hadn't seemed to have noticed before. "Weren't you just in the middle of apologizing?"

Blinking, Ben paused momentarily. But something in his mind eased the tension from his body. The hole where his anger had been was now hollowed out. His wounds, inflicted by the grief, were like fresh skin growing over old blisters, leaving a behind scar in remembrance, but not the same previous pain. It was starting to form a numbing acceptance. "...Hand over the bottle."

"I-what?"

"You heard me. Hand it over."

Hesitating slightly, Kevin did as was requested of him and passed his best friend the liquor. Ben immediately grabbed it, swallowing a large gulp. He wasn't allowed to drink. He didn't particularly like it. Now, though, he felt an urge to alleviate his pain.

The first taste was bitter, fusing with the knot of mourning to burn tremendously in the back of his throat. Then it precedingly subsided, several small shards of pain drowning in the alcohol, while the rest continued to penetrate his vulnerability.

Ben handed it back to the Osmosian. A few quick passes of possession, proceeded by them furthering this process for a long while, sitting in silence and staring at the thick slab of marble. The wind brushed against the pair whilst the liquid dripped down into the mouths, dozens of goosebumps engulfing their skin as a result.

He owed it to his best friend to loosen up a bit. This was killing both of them. And after their previous conversation, he couldn't help but feel a little responsible for not providing the same alleviation he was attempting to give himself.

"She really loved you, you know," Ben remarked, the alcohol still pooled in his mouth, causing a bit to cascade down his chin as he talked.

"Yeah, I know. I loved her, too." Kevin exhaled. "...She...she changed my life."

The upward tug on Ben's his lips merely resembled a ghost of a smile. "I know she did." A pause as he thought over his next words carefully. "...You can come back to my aunt and uncle's house, Kev. I think they'd like to see you."

"No they wouldn't. I-"

" _Kevin_. They _know_ this was the life Gwen chose. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't her fault, it wasn't anyone's fault except _Charmcaster's_."

Head sinking into his palms, his eyelids fell. "...Maybe. But that doesn't mean I can go back there just yet."

Ben gnawed on his lip momentarily. "Well, when you do, they'd love to see you. ...You...you would've become apart of the Tennyson family eventually. Come with me."

The guilt and grief devouring him on the inside clung to each of his facial features. "I'm not a Tennyson. Tennysons are heroes...they...they save people. They protect the people they love."

"Whether you want to admit it or not, you're a _hero_ , Kevin. You deserve to come back with me and not sit here feeling sorry for yourself."

"I don't, Ben. You don't get it. I-"

The brunette shook his head as an interruption. "I'm not going to keep having this argument with you." Stretching out his legs, he managed to push himself off the ground. "Just know our door is open."

Kevin moved his head slightly in comprehension, eyes returning to the grave.

Ben's concerned glance remained for several seconds. But then he took a few paces in the opposite direction.

Something lept from his tongue before he could attempt to contain it, though. He shifted towards his companion again before he'd even made it three feet. "By the way, Kevin…" The Osmosian raised a sole black brow. "Just know...you _are_ a Tennyson. Always will be."


End file.
